lose me for the night

I didn’t know what I didn’t know
It feels so fresh though it was long ago
Your hand, it lays so close to mine
The moon shines bright as you check the time
I told you that you’re being cruel again
   and you said that I didn’t understand 
I turned my back and took the corner
You watched my pastel back fade farther 
My momma passed once all the flowers died
I feel it like a paper cut or like the sunlight
There wasn’t much that I could do
except drink the whiskey and the water too
I’m a live wire, I’m an open sore
Rub the sea salt in and close the door
All my confessions like a broken safe
The simple answer is one of grace 
I get so tired and you’re so bright
I feel the shift although the shift is slight
When I’m next to you I feel alive 
    slowly levitating in the sky
Like I’m at the fair and the lights are going
I turn my head to see my mother sewing 
There are birds on a chord outside my window
There is me inside hugging close my pillow
There are the bumblebees, first of spring 
There is me with my boundaries at the end of a string 
Now I’m in the garden, skin so hot
I'm putting plants in every orange pot
The breeze swings by like a darling whisper 
I slash my finger on the weed clippers  
You’re showing me where to plant the trees 
It wasn’t where I wanted them to be 
I already knew that you couldn’t resist 
   and it’s this all over again, I've lived the script 
You’re mad at me for being upset 
I let the sinking feeling wash me up
I’m feeling so helpless but I’m feeling clean
I’m feeling everything in between
And father time glimmers with moments passed
He gently hands me the looking glass
There’s you with your tone deaf words of crass
There’s my dad with the wine sweet as honey
There’s my brother selling my piano for drug money 
I stare at my reflection ruthlessly 
    just to see it isn’t what it used to be
I brush my teeth with thoughts so loud
I pick the bottle up just to drown the sound
Then I scrub and scrape till my gums are raw 
I spit blood into the sink without a second thought
I want to read all day just to bide my time 
I want to be a kid again riding my bike
Spending the night writing stories in my head
Falling asleep at 8pm and a glass of water by the bed

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s